Friday, 12 March 2010

What's In Your Drawers?

Tell you what, I've just had a look through mine, and from a detached perspective, some of it's a bit weird. My inventory of just one of my desk drawers is as follows :

6 lighters
1 tube of toothpaste
1 toothbrush
1 pair of nail clippers
1 packet of nicotine-replacement gum
2 packets of KFC salt
1 packet of brown sauce
1 packet of Bachelor's "Chicken & Country Vegetable" soup
1 mostly new box of co-codamol
1 packet of anadin
2 novelty shotglasses
1 copy of Metal Hammer, January 2001 edition
1 bottle of covonia cough syrup
2 packets of filters
1 packet of ibruprofen 400 mgs
2 Damanta gig flyers
1 bag of small pebbles
1 small bottle of ouzo
1 sheet of blue carbon paper (what century is this?)
1 canister of deodorant
1 almost depleted box of Turkish Delight
1 copy of "Bad Science" by Ben Goldacre
1 broken section of shatterproof ruler
1 stapled collection of receipts, various
4 packets of rizlas in various states of usage
1 plastic spork
1 packet moist wipes
2 rolls of surgical tape
1 CD containing jpeg artwork for a comedy t-shirt
1 ancient lemsip
1 packet of marbles
2 pairs of sunglasses

Feel free to share yours with me. Is everybody like this? I want to know.


  1. I have a damn good reason for everything that is there being there, and given enough time I might even remember it.

  2. Mine is full of weird shit too!

    a cook book
    a diary
    pet grooming spray
    a pack of cards
    2 batteries
    a camera
    4 nail polishes
    3 nail files
    nail clippers
    2 australian train tickets
    a cell phone
    eyelash/eyebrow dye kit


    I love looking through peoples work drawers, you can find the strangest things.

  3. See now I am just jealous of the notion that people live in places where you would need to keep sunscreen in a desk drawer!

    And also, I'm thinking that I need to get a deck of cards.

  4. Chris Fairclough12 March 2010 at 13:04

    My desk drawers are quire normal however on my desk I have the following.

    A cape.
    An empty box.
    Poker chips.
    A pack of cards.
    A huge lump of plastecine.
    Play doh.

  5. Not to encourage unethical behaviour or anything but obviously knowing what was in the boss's desk drawer would be . . . maybe just too weird.

    Mine has toothpowder, eye drops, and fake sugar. Which is odd as I don't eat fake sugar.

  6. And I should add there's a lot of other stuff there but I got tired of looking at the mess. I don't think you're alone.

  7. Just looked now. And I have crayons in my desk! They're not mine I just moved to this desk and yes this is an office.
    Disturbingly I think one of them (blue) has teeth marks.

  8. Thanks, SK - inspired me to look through the drawer of the desk I inherited three years ago.

    I have too much crap to list, most of it what you'd expect, but a few choice items:

    A Bible (odd thing for an atheist to have, but there are Reasons)

    A pink make-up case (empty) - no idea why; it's not mine, honest.

    Small box of Rice Krispies

    A 2005 calendar mouse mat

    A Bart Simpson ruler (cool, never seen that before, but I'm having it)

    A badge for the local Rotary Club (again, not mine)

    A chocolate covered caramel (not sure how long that's been there, but I swear it moved while I was looking at it)

    I really must think about having a clear-out.

  9. I recently started a new job and have acquired somebody else's set of drawers.
    I haven't been brave enough to have a proper look around yet, so I've delicately laid my tray of pens and pencils on top of the sedimentary layers of the previous persons crap. There's the inevitable hole punch full of 'holes' and assorted staples that are the wrong size for my stapler that will, along with the holepunch, be left for all eternity until some future Indiana Jones will trade a bag of sand for them.

    I also want to say this blog has become a daily read at work as it's so entertaining. Thanks Koala! Sorry you have to deal with such a heart attack inducing boss for our amusement though.
    If it makes you feel any better, I am a desktop publisher for a big bank and deal with clients and their petty and bizarre requests all day. A recent classic was a graph I was asked to modify, the conversation went something like this:
    Banker: 'Hey, I need you to modify this graph for me.'
    Me: 'Sure, what's up?'
    B: 'I need you to make it look less sci-fi.'
    M: '...what?'
    B: 'The curve of the graph looks too sci-fi.'
    M: 'What... do you mean, less sci-fi?'
    B: 'It's too sweeping. Can you change it so it's less sweeping?'
    M: 'What does that mean? I can't change the graph because that means changing the data.'
    B: 'It just looks too sci-fi. Can you change it?'

    I get this sort of thing almost on a daily basis...

  10. 22 AA batteries
    3 AAA batteries
    Battery tester
    Pack of gum
    Tax receipts to be filed
    3 passports (none are mine)
    Internet router manual & cd
    Custom-fit earplugs
    Tiny hammer
    Case for glasses, without glasses
    1 pair of glasses, not in case
    3 black markers
    Pack of stamps
    Bus schedule
    Box of staples

  11. I once was sat at a desk where the bottom drawer was filled with pastry. Lookin gthrough some of the folders on the desk I found lots of submission forms for different publishing companies along with basic plot layouts for a crap-sounding novel about a woman screwing her way around a call centre (apparently semi-autobiographical). So if any of you ever come across a book entitled 'Sex in the Call Centre' (that was one of her provisional titles, I think) by S****** ******y, I sat at her old desk before she was famous.

  12. Fun! Its remarkable how Lemsip, sporks and nearly finished sweets are common to most people. I am seriously impressed about your 01/01 Metal Hammer, what's on the cover!? "NIN new album - only 5 years in the making"

    1 carton Ribena, blackcurrant (not for long…)
    2 satsumas
    1 hot cross bun
    2 plastic sporks
    1 Lemsip
    1 Halls Soother
    2 Hell Pizza menu
    2 Mandarin Star menu
    3 A4 spiral notebook
    2 A5 spiral notebook
    1 sheet brightly coloured wrapping paper
    1 USB connection for Sony Ericsson mobile phone
    1 200ml round clip-seal box
    HTML for Dummies, 4th edition (1998)
    Visual Basic 5 for Windows for Dummies (1999)

    To be fair I'm not big on hoarding and the glares from neighbouring colleague (partner in the company) urge me to routinely clean it out.

  13. Keep em coming, folks, these are amusing me mightily :)

    therealadamj - painful, very painful. Sympathies.

    Most eyebrow raising entries so far are the crap novel, and the three passports does give me pause for thought...

    Lumadran - Dave Wyndorf of Monster Magnet is on the cover. I am on page 3, which is my only reason for still owning it ;)

  14. Hmmmm....let see here....

    Misc tea packets, varying from hot to cold
    Package of Tuna
    Various energy drink packets/bottles
    Pet hair remover
    Opened, half eaten package of Harbo's - Cola
    3 different types of lotion...scratch that, 4
    Empty Christmas container
    Can of soup
    Cup of soup mix

    Love your blog, SK, can't survive the week without a dose of your pain, I'm sorry to say.

  15. Christ, my drawers are full of complete crap. Unfortunately, I can't blame someone else for these as I seem to have placed them there myself...

    Mine are:

    An old clipboard with paper still attached to it.

    A pencil holder with pencils and pens in (somehow they've remained in the holder despite it being toppled over and now lying at a remarkable angle.

    Internal company envelope.


    Empty box that a mug came in (don't ask)

    Sanitary towels (In their wrapping and unused, before you ask. I like to be prepared for an emergency!)

    A box of Cup a Soup

    Christmas cards

    Some really random and horrible freaky herbal tea bags (with liquorice in them!)

    More notebooks

    A rather out-of-date bag of half-eaten Bombay mix. Really must throw that away...

    A calculator (despite my job never requiring me to use one - I believe that the previous incumbant left it there)

  16. Belfast Barista12 March 2010 at 15:53

    Hang on SK... you were on page 3?? Were you topless? ;P

  17. I actually was, as it happens. Heh heh :)

  18. Belfast Barista12 March 2010 at 16:16

    *pictures all sorts of hawt Koala imagery...*

  19. D. Sky Onosson, do you work for Mossad by any chance?

    I'll get me coat.

  20. Fantastic bit of topical humour there Cheb, love it :D

  21. Owing to still being at the office at this time on a Friday I have lost what litle enthusiasm I had left for work and decided to go for this inventory...please don't judge me once you've read it. The bottom drawer of my desk contains:
    Six pack of diet coke
    2 x phone chargers (one of which actually fits my phone)
    2 x lighters
    Lip gloss
    Compact mirror
    A blue bouncy ball
    Nail file
    Pro Plus (and lots of it)
    A network cable
    2 x cup a soup
    Tea bags (various)
    Tub of hot chocolate
    A mini maglite
    2 x sunglasses
    £1.14 in small change
    A coat hanger.

    Totally and utterly inexplicable.
    Keep up the good work SK.

  22. I don't have a desk. I do have my own section of counter to do with as I please. My "junk box" which is my closest thing to a drawer currently has:

    ~2 tubes of Super Glue
    ~Raspberry Lemonade flavor packets for water
    ~2 latex gloves
    ~1 crusty bottle of liquid Wite-Out
    ~1 dry Wite-Out applicator
    ~2 intact cotton gloves
    ~1 cotton glove with the middle, ring & pinky fingers cut off
    ~1 calculator
    ~1 ball chain (similar to the ones at banks that keep you from stealing the pens)
    ~a packet of adhesive bandages
    ~a letter opener shaped like a 3 1/4" floppy disc
    ~2 Compact Flash card holders, sans CF cards
    ~3 empty ziploc baggies
    ~1 microfiber cloth
    ~1 crapy llittle film leader retriever, never used
    ~a pack of little red pills. I'm going to assume that they are decongestants, but I'm not really sure
    ~1 thermometer (0º-140º F, -20º-60º C)
    ~1 box of photo mounting stickers
    ~1 reusable film cannister with a roll of already developed film in it. No, there is no use for this, and no, I don't remember why I put it together.
    ~1 plastic film cannister that has about 20 Ritalin tablets in it

    Two pictures from #PhotoFriday last fall:
    "Post a picture of your desk at work. And don't clean it first. #photofriday"

    "Of course, my "desk" may be tidy, but the rest of my work area? #photofriday"

  23. Oh, and as an American, I'm just curious. What is Lemsip?

    ~Sharon, off to the library now to hunt down a copy of the 01/01 Metal Hammer to see what our dear Koala looks like.

  24. Correction then, it's the Christmas 2000 issue and it's actually page 4 I'm on. Just checked. If you manage to actually somehow find that, you deserve the shock that will follow. :)

    This insight into your dirty drawers has been fascinating, chums. :)

  25. Cait - I want a blue bouncy ball now. I feel I am incomplete without it.

    Also, lemsip is this rather nasty lemon-flavoured decongestant type drink.

  26. Drawers? Luxury!

    We don't get drawers, we have skanky little plastic boxes which we have to cart around the office when we are trying to find an available desk.

    As a result, mine haul of crap is small.

    Moisturiser (face and hand)
    Lip balm
    Pens and pencils (assorted)
    Box of Red Bush tea
    Box of tissues (almost empty)
    Plastic cutlery (assorted)

    All very dull and businesslike.

    I long for a drawer.

  27. I really have to know why you have a bag of pebbles in your desk. Why would anyone have a bag of pebbles anywhere?

  28. Pebbles from a beach in New Zealand, a friend asked me to grab a few while I was there for some hippy-type reason, and naturally then for the last two years I've had this bag of pebbles sitting in my desk drawer, forgotten about.

  29. Honestly- I think the bouncy ball has kept my mind from cracking much more effectively than all the other stuff put together. I'd advise you to give it a try!

  30. Bouncy balls... that made me think.. what is ON my desk is lots (read: marginally) more fun

    2 x box "lemon flavour" Smints, only 1 eaten ever (it's either lemon or mint, please separate these flavours in future batches)
    2 x Yellow pages, latest (monitor plinth)
    3 x beanie hats, barely big enough to fit a hamster's bonce...?
    1 x squishy pink pig
    Private Eye, Nov 2008
    "TV Go Home"
    1 x pair glasses, never worn
    3 x small bouncy balls, very colourful
    fifty-twelve x half-used pads of not-very-sticky Russian imitation Post-Its

    A finity times more interesting than my oft-cleaned drawer.

    The hot cross bun is still there, and will be all weekend. It's already toasted and buttered.

  31. All three of my desk drawers are completely and utterly empty. They are nice and white and clean. I gave them a dust yesterday. There is a stapler but it sits on the desk, neatly lined up with the edge of the PC.

  32. My desk drawers are also immaculate. That is because I have so much space on my desk I can just keep piling the crap up. Today I amused myself by piling all the paper up and measuring the pile (26.4cm). I also have, among other things:
    2 mugs
    3 water bottles (2 empty, 1 full of salt water)
    a styrofoam container to fit 1 mug
    3 A5 spiral notebooks
    1 pink external hard drive
    a box of round stickers cut into quarters
    a box of business cards (virtually unused)
    a sweet tin full of fountain pen ink
    the timing band from a 18lb shrapnel shell
    three .303 rifle cartridges
    one of those coffee mugs that keep it hot
    a camera
    a pencil case full of unidentified cables
    four stones from France
    8 billion pens in random states of usefulness
    a ruler stolen from the next desk over
    the biggest paper clip I've ever seen
    a hole punch with cows on it.

    It is rather eclectic.

  33. My chihuahua (as he is now, he sort of manically loves being there), and sometimes my cat. But not both at the same time. Only the cat can get there by himself.

    Yes, the drawer is open. Neither animal has yet worked out how to open it themselves.

    That is all.

  34. Apparently you don't have a rubber in there, though.

  35. My desk drawers are empty, due to commitment problems and an itinerant nature.

    I did however make an inventory of my handbag contents shortly before I left the UK. Here's what I found:

    Oliver Peoples sunglasses - definitely not mine
    String of pearls with a broken clasp
    £15 worth of Boots vouchers - expired
    Book of business cards - missing one (I gave it to my mum)
    Set of homemade Mandarin flash cards about train stations (dianzi pingmu - electric announcement board - has a girl's phone number scrawled on it)
    A note from my cleaner - on the back there's a shopping list and a cryptic message that reads: Photorealism > Brick Lane > Third Policeman
    A pair of earrings made of tiny autumnal leaves
    A wallet
    Some keys
    Two asthma inhalers
    A referral letter to an asthma clinic (un-acted upon) to find out if I really need the inhalers
    A pen
    Half a dozen screwed up receipts - mostly from the John Lewis food hall on Oxford St
    Another shopping list
    A crumpled diary entry about safety versus leaps of faith
    A used train ticket to Bristol
    My address in Bristol, printed by Lolo in block capitals so that if I got lost I could hold it up to a cabbie and he'd return me to her
    TWO musical Chairman Mao lighters - one of them plays The East is Red when deployed, one of them used to but now makes a tinny wailing sound
    Packet of small silver Rizla
    Menthol filters
    A conker
    A packet of tissues
    Half a blister pack of dexedrine - um, medicinal, honest
    Olbas oil
    Tea tree oil
    More crumpled paper - phone number for someone called Tom
    Gym pass
    Oyster card
    Very crushed cigar
    Serious leather gloves - ostensibly for driving, clearly for wielding a riding crop
    Face powder
    Lip balm - x 3
    Hair grips and elastic bands - x 80 million
    The Danakil Diaries - wicked book about Ethiopia

  36. My desk drawers are currently empty apart from a stapler and pair of scissors as I have only just managed to wrangle myself a desk and a drawer unit a full two weeks after moving office. Everybody else got nice new desks except my department, which got an empty space. I keep my painkillers in a little tin which I carry with me, but this tedious story is not the reason why I am commenting...

    SK, you might want to review your collection of painkillers. Co-codamol contains codeine, which can be addictive, and paracetamol, which is quite easy to overdose on as the dangerous dose is not much higher than the normal one. It is potentially a very nasty combination as people addicted to the codeine can be driven to take more than the safe dose. Paracetamol overdose can seriously fuck the liver and kidneys. You really do not want to be taking that long term. You should also take care not to take any two medicines with paracetamol in combination.

    Sorry to spoil the fun.

    It would be interesting to know what drugs TB is on...

  37. @Manda - I expected nothing less from you. You're crazy, woman crazy. I wouldn't love you as much if you weren't.

    @ elle - I fully love it. You;re like the female Patrick Bateman. Don't stop.

    @ Anon - I appreciate your points, and I respect the thing you say - but you don't need to worry about me, honestly. I have, um, a colourful history. It'll all be ok. Honestly.

  38. P.s. T.B. doesn't take any drugs. Doesn't drink. Doesn't smoke. One cup of tea a day, maximum. Won't even take aspirin. Go figure.

  39. - 5 boxes of my business cards
    - An empty sandwich bag
    - One blue plastic clothes peg
    - A pair of red plastic ears
    - Two 5" wooden dolls (one boy, one girl, natch)
    - Phone charger
    - "Strolling Bowling" game (Google it)
    - Broken iPod earphones
    - 2 USB cables
    - Instructions (seriously) for the use of some cheapo Sony earphones
    - Fuzzy foam covers for above earphones
    - Neurofen
    - Deodorant
    - Many sandwich shop napkins
    - About a dozen plastics knives, forks and spoons (no two of the same provenance)
    - Various domestic utility bills that have no place in my office
    - Masses of stationary, almost all of it freebies (or stolen) with the logo of some other company or hotel on it.

  40. my draws are very dull, nothing but work and stationery and some hallowe'en decorations i don't remember buying.
    extending the survey to my desk surface and floor beneath my desk (yeah i'm messy):

    lip balm
    chewing gum
    birthday card from tottenham hotspur FC
    fancy dress hat that must be someone else's
    dark choc digestives
    empty water bottle
    cricket bat
    rubik's cube
    some very easy wooden puzzle thing
    poster for friend's band's gig
    loose paracemtomol
    a can of fosters