Get That Ship On The Ink

I'm feeling rather tired, shitty and under the weather this week, which makes this kind of lunacy all the harder to deal with. The essence of this story is that I have a shipment to Nigeria being held by Customs because it contains, apparently, televisions; these cannot be moved without a licence and so it's going nowhere for now.

I could happily just leave it at that but The Boss has just plonked herself in front of my desk and starting reading ten pages of Nigerian Import Regulations aloud at me; this is painful in so many ways. For starters, The Boss reading aloud sounds a little like a drunken alphabet falling down a flight of stairs. Following the information is completely out of the question, I'm just trying to get through listening without ramming my head violently against the desk.

Sounds like this, in real-time. The original document did contain punctuation.

"Import licences are not recommended no required but a shipment no a system of pre-shipment inspection is in operation all imports must accompany must be accompanied by a manufacturers certificate confirming no controlling no confirming the standards used in the production of the goods following imports are banned maize sorghum millet wheat flour vegetable oils gypsum mosquitos repellents tyres gaming machine used clothing fridges air conditioning compressors cement vehicles more than eight years old printed fabrics must have pre-inspection before vessel is on the water..."

Here's me : "Look... ah... could you just print me off a copy of this and I'll read it later?" (When I've finished stabbing myself in the head with a pen)

"...no, there's no water in the printer"

What the fuck?