Friday, 27 March 2009


Totally out of the blue.

The Boss : "They're all hitting a ret.. a rest."

Here's me : "Wha?"

The Boss : "They're hitting a fuel restoration charge."

Here's me : "Who?"

The Boss : "All of them."

Here's me : "?"

The Boss : "To mushrooms"*

How much more lost than lost can I get right now?

The Boss : "To Muscat. "

Here's me : "Muscat? Oman?"

The Boss : "Musk, Moscow. Musko... Rotterdam."

This is a staggering level of bewilderfication, even for in here. I am totally clueless as to what might be taking place and the disjointed manner in which The Boss is talking is right now very reminiscent of GWB at his absolute worst.

Here's me : "Look, what are you actually talking about?"

The Boss : "Fuel surcharge. On Rotterdam."

Here's me : "What about it?"

The Boss : "From Rotterdam."

Here's me : "Wha?"

I swear I am so close to actual tears right now.

The Boss : "Is there one?"

Here's me : "I.. what?"

The Boss : "Is there a fuel surcharge from Rotterdam to Russia?"

Part of me right now wants to drive my fist right through the monitor in front of me. Right goddamn through it, y'hear me?

Here's me : "I really don't know. Possibly. Would you like me to find out?"

The Boss : "Noooooooo....... just find out where Moskva is."

Here's me : "Moscow."

The Boss : "It's in Moscow?"

Here's me : "No, it is Moscow."

The Boss : "But where's Moskva?"

(deep breath, count to ten slowly)

Here's me : "Moskva is Moscow. It's what the Russians call Moscow."

The Boss : "Why?"

Here's me : "-"

The Boss : "Anyway. What do you want for lunch?"

This last is frankly more terrifying than all of the rest of this deformed and deranged conversation, mostly because it's now 2 pm and we had lunch about half an hour ago.
* The Boss had mushroom soup. I'm starting to understand how this works, a little. If I pretend I've taken a heavy dose of LSD it all makes a certain amount of sense.


  1. I am so thankful my wife is out with the girls - I'm sitting here snorting, honking like a donkey and wiping the tears from my eyes. Genius.

  2. This blog is genius. You must be making this stuff up, because if it was real, you'd have been on the news for killing her by now. Nobody could have the patience you pretend to have.

  3. I have just spent my last 2 days in work reading backwards all your blogs and the amount of word vomit that comes out of your bosses mouth amazes me.She just seems to say random syllabils and words all the time until she finally hits on the right word 4 tries later.I believe every word of your blog because I have too been subjected so such idiocy and craziness in a work place that I find myself spoonfeeding staff that have been there 16 years longer than me...I love your blog and am glad some one else has to deal with the same everyday nonsense as me.All the best in your new job.