Tuesday, 7 April 2009

The Road to Hell Runs Over The Bridge To Nowhere (I Assure You)

The Boss : "How much would a trailer weigh?"

Here's me : (sigh) "What size of trailer?"

The Boss : "One big enough to load a dump truck on."

Here's me : (sigh) "What size of dump truck?"

The Boss : "Volvo, twenty-four tonne dump truck."

Here's me : "Would need to be a forty foot low-loader, probably weighs about eight tonnes, give or take."

The Boss : "Not two tonnes?"

Here's me : "No way. Six tonnes, absolute minimum. But more like eight. Maybe as much as ten."

The Boss : "I think it's only two."

Here's me : "No way. It's not possible."

The Boss : "Nothing's impossible."

This is where it gets interesting.

Here's me : "Assuredly, some things are. And this is. You couldn't make a trailer strong enough to hold twenty-four tonnes that weighed only two tonnes itself. The materials to make it from don't exist. It's impossible."

The Boss : "Nothing's impossible. Sure they're building that trans-Atlantic bridge."

You have my full attention.

Here's me : "Are they? Are they now?"

The Boss : "Yeah, it was on the news last week."

Here's me : "Amazing. Tell me more. Omit nothing."

'Rictus' is an appropriate description of my face right now.

The Boss : "They're building a bridge from the UK to the States."

Here's me : "Are they? Are they really?"

I'm sort of chuckling a little, not in a healthy way, not in a way you'd like to hear on a dark night.

The Boss : "It was on the news. From Ireland to New York or something."

OK, I can bear it no longer.

Here's me : "I assure you. 'They' are not."

The Boss : "It was on the news last week."

Here's me : "It was a wind-up or something, I assure you. They are not building a bridge across the Atlantic. Because that. would. be. impossible."

The Boss : "Nothing's impossible. Sure they built the Channel Tunnel."

Here's me : "The Channel Tunnel is about thirty miles long. The Atlantic is about four thousand miles wide. Think about it."

The Boss : "Nothing's impossible these days."

Oh, take it from me, some things surely are, I assure you.


  1. Is it possible that somebody on the News was speaking figuratively about a "building a bridge" in some cultural or political sense and she took it literally?

    Perhaps more worrying is the the confusion between the UK and Ireland at the proposed eastern end of the alleged bridge. I know its not as bad as it used to be, but some people still get very upset when you mix those two up. Perhaps she couldn't remember whether she misheard it on the BBC or RTE News.

  2. It was on the news last week. This day being April 7. Could it have been on the news on April 1?

    When she retires, she will surely buy a spaghetti farm.