Friday, 15 January 2010

Best/Worst Ever

This is probably the best/worst thing the Boss has ever said to me. I really didn't know where to look.


So in the middle of all this I finally went to see a doctor about this sleep-related problem I've had for some time. Specifically, it seems that I have fairly severe sleep apnea, which apart from the long-term health risks means that I generally feel quite tired and shitty a lot of the time, as I spend my sleeping hours trying to murder myself by asphyxiation - so anyway the doctor told me this was unusual in people who aren't overweight (I'm closer to the skinnier end of the range, hey) and took a look into my throat and reckons the problem probably lies therein. I have big tonsils and what's called a double uvula, crazy mutant freak that I am, apparently this is the root of the problem. The doctor told me that this is probably a case for surgery. Great. So anyway :

The Boss : "So what did the Doctor say?"

Here's me : "Well, apparently it's going to need surgery. Problem is in my throat, I have what's called a double uvula and for starters that's going to need surgically trimmed..."

The Boss, doubtfully : "Oovuuula?"

Here's me : "Yeah, you know that dangly bit that hangs down at the back of your throat?"

Doctor Boss, scornfully : "It's called a vulva."




-


I couldn't even speak one word in reply. Think I nearly swallowed my own tongue.
Posted by silent koala at 21:07
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12 comments:

  1. Unknown15 January 2010 at 22:20

    http://outlandinstitute.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/vulva.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown15 January 2010 at 22:20

    you should bring up an image of an actual vulva, labelled, and show it to her :]

    ReplyDelete
  3. Belfast Barista15 January 2010 at 23:07

    So a bifurcated uvula is 'symbolic of strength in manhood', eh?
    Wha hey! ;P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jesus Chris15 January 2010 at 23:56

    I'm so smart that as soon as you said "uvula", I thought, "She's going to say vulva."

    I'm that smart. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Simon16 January 2010 at 02:00

    Sorry mate. Have the same thing myself but I'm (mildly) overweight; bad luck to be healthy and have it. Booze doesn't help it, but I imagine you need the solace of adult beverages to cope with your mad overlord.

    Simon

    ReplyDelete
  6. Elizabeth...16 January 2010 at 13:33

    Oh dear goodness me. That woman is *bangs head* there are no words.

    ReplyDelete
  7. silent koala16 January 2010 at 14:38

    Simon - yeah, I guess smoking is do me no help either - guh. Sorry to hear you're a sufferer too!

    There is potentially hilarious mileage in this because at some stage I'm going to need time off to go to hospital, and this involves The Boss submitting a form to head office, and the thought of her submitting a form to HR that says I'm going in to have my vulva operated on will probably keep me amused while I'm in there...

    ReplyDelete
  8. random punter16 January 2010 at 21:29

    Well……, if it's turning into a game of Medical Snap, I'm in. Sympathy to you SK from a fellow invalid. I've had it for several years, and I drink hardly at all, I smoke only for medicinal reasons, you understand, and am no way overweight. My snoring ensures that visitors generally only stay over the once, and keeps demons at bay.

    I wake up most mornings feeling fucked, without the good fortune of that actually having been the case. I get to the office feeling like a complete vulva, and have to avoid human interface until a bacon buttie and a pint of Rooibos have done their work.

    I'm currently experimenting with NeilMed, which involves squirting half a pint of warm saline up one nostril and down the other. I kid you not. Maintaining one's dignity whilst doing that with the distaff side and the second-born sniggering in the background is not easy. Or even possible.

    Before you go under the knife, do ensure that The Boss is aware that your mutated uvula is the result either of radiation seeping out of a faulty USB port on her PC, or is a virus you caught from an email she forwarded to you without scanning it first.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Belfast Barista16 January 2010 at 22:30

    "Before you go under the knife, do ensure that The Boss is aware that your mutated uvula is the result either of radiation seeping out of a faulty USB port on her PC, or is a virus you caught from an email she forwarded to you without scanning it first."


    OH. MY. GOD.
    Genius.

    Do it, K! :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. Chimphead18 January 2010 at 11:08

    Since she herself talks out of her arse, it's not unreasonable to assume you may also have another orifice that's usually located in the pelvis in your throat... should change your name now from Silent Koala to Deep Throat I guess!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Curious Character19 January 2010 at 02:42

    Oh. Dear. Lord.

    No idea where to begin...

    (strangely the word I have to type in to verify this comment is insase, near enough)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anna23 January 2010 at 18:30

    oof my friend is a skinny little guy, he's got sleep apnea as well. he used to live with my family for a couple of years, and when he moved out none of us could sleep for lack of his snoring.

    i think he has the double-"vulva" as well.

    ReplyDelete

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