Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Fuck. Everything. Immediately.

Oh fuck me.

So further to last. If you haven't read that, read it first.

I realised that I have now scanned this whole thing and I have no idea where to send it. So I called head office and told them, hey, I've scanned in the years accounts, where do you want me to send this all?

The lady in head office I spoke to was both confused and bemused. She forwarded me an e-mail which was the one from which The Boss had gleaned her instructions to me, which I shall now reproduce part of.

The accounts are progressing nicely with our year end audit.

I have been asked to provide a total of missing invoices on all files.

Can you please scan through your accounts books and let me have details of any missing invoices not received from suppliers.

Do you see? Do you see what has happened? Do you understand? Fucking DO YOU??





  1. You really need a dictaphone - or better yet, a video camera - to replay the insane drivel your boss spouts back at her.
    May I also suggest duct taping her to an office chair while you force her to watch.

  2. Poor Koala.

    Spaceboy's suggestion is excellent. You could have your own youtube channel.

  3. That's......just incredible.....

  4. How? Just how in the name of jesus did The Boss get to be The Boss?!

    SK - I'm sending you sanity vibes, I think you need them.

  5. I'm sitting here reading this and laughing my makeup off (as usual) but then the horrible realisation struck me, that watching her devour your sanity like this is like that scene in Hannibal, where he's eating that guy's brains....

    Poor Koala, stay strong!

  6. @ Lisa - when the company opened their Belfast office, she was the first person they hired. That's it.

    Thank you all. I am now going to attempt to forget about it all until the morning.

  7. My sympathies.

    The Boss is so frustrating I find myself getting angry on your behalf!

  8. Un..f..believable! She owes you big time!

  9. Oh Koala ... Is there no way you can set up a hidden video camera (with sound of course) ?

    The Boss could be the next SleepTalkinMan. You could start doing T Shirts, I'm sure it would pay for itself.

  10. Of course, if you did get a dictaphone then it'd be like that bit in Father Ted where Dougal starts taping his conversations so he can prove to Ted what he said. And then gets what he said wrong and is proved wrong by the dictaphone.

    So it'd be like that, only in reverse.

    It'd be like Dougal intended.

    Get two dictaphones, tape her instructions and then get tape her response with the second one.

  11. Well... at least you're not a PA...

    Fuck me Koala, there has to be some alien planet she's actually from out there... Bloody hell that's frightening.

  12. Bwahahahahahaha I just got it.....fuckin hell the days must just fly by....reminds me of the time I got a mac mini....the girlfriend was flicking through the instruction manual, I have no need of such things, as I set it up. Look, she shouts in a eureka moments, all you have to do is switch it on and say hello...it must say hello back or something...

    say what?

    it says so here....

    I read it, sighed, hugged her and then sent her home in a taxi...

  13. did 'the girlfriend' then kick you in the balls for being so condescending?

  14. Oof. Tough break. See you tomorrow again?

  15. Well, you know, if they *will* use technilicolological terms like 'scan' entirely incorrectly, well, this sort of this simply will happen. Tchuh.

  16. That Bloke in the Corner27 January 2010 at 08:08

    LSD in her coffee, it may have the reverse effect on her and bring some much needed sanity

  17. Fuck that. LSD in my coffee, she might start making sense.

  18. Kill her.

    I'm not even joking.

    With this blog as evidence, no court in the land would convict.

  19. who needs an excuse to put lsd in their coffee?

  20. unfuckingbelievable. can you not frame her for defrauding the company and get her fired? oh i'd love to see her cross examined in court