The Boss : “Will you have a price for Nicola today?”
Here’s me : “I did it on Monday.”
The Boss : “And?”
Here’s me : “It was too expensive. I offered her £1800, she says she’s getting it for £1500. Our costs are £1600. I’m looking at other ways of getting it there.”
The Boss : “You should look at other ways of getting it there.”
Here’s me : *sigh* “I am looking at other ways of getting it there. Doing it direct with a haulier seems to be the best way.”
The Boss : “She’s probably doing it direct with a haulier. You should look into that.”
Here’s me : *sigh* “I am looking into that.”
The Boss : “She’s probably using Mickey Mouse.”*
I’m just picturing this for a second.
Here’s me : “Mickey. Fucking. Mouse.”
The Boss : “Morris Rice. Reese. She’s probably using Morris Reese.”
* This happens all the fucking time. You may be familiar with the usage of “Mickey Mouse” to refer to a small or amateurish business operation – you know, as in “They’re a Mickey Mouse outfit” – this has always struck me as slightly bizarre usage in any context, for the obvious reasons – I mean “They’re a Mickey Mouse outfit” – what, so they’re an internationally recognisable multi-billion-dollar global franchise? That’s not what you mean, I’m sure. But anyway, with The Boss, this phrase has entered her lexicon and she now believes it is acceptable to use “Mickey Mouse” to refer to any company she can’t currently remember the name of.
Ah, SHIT! I can’t believe I didn’t include "Mickey Mouse" in the Wankword Bingo. Dammit.
Maybe you should start referring to other outfits as 'Gordon the Gopher' and see if she notices ;)
ReplyDeleteThey're a Mickey Mouse outfit: they hate Jews and the boss had his head frozen because of aliens or something.
ReplyDeleteDiscovered your blog last week, and it's kept me sane at work! Always amazes me the incompetence of management - the further up you go, the less attached to reality they seem to be. Although I think you're on to a bit of a special case (special, as in retarded) there ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the Barista - maybe roland rat as well for seedier companies?
If you ever win the lottery, PLEASE hire Ronan Keating to show up one day and pretend to be you, just act like you ALL DAY LONG?
ReplyDeleteMy current vote is she's a droid from a parallel universe, whose language and cognition banks do not always compute our strange earther memes: her lack of understanding of the *basic laws of physics* has upped the ante, and now I'm thinking of whole different dimensions, where ALL the laws have changed.
(FYI, I work for myself, so also know what it's like to work for a crazy person I can't get away from.)
Jesus Chris - dammit, I wish I had said that to her now...
ReplyDeleteChimphead you may be right.
Barista & Anon - there may be some mileage in your ideas, watch this space... :D
Team Roland up with Nobby the sheep and we're on a roll!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.simonbuckley.co.uk/square2.jpg
Maybe convince her they're actually real people! "Yeah got a phone call from Gilbert, he's wondering when his crate of kleenex is going to arrive at planet Drill?"
Mickey mouse? Youse aren't even Betty Boop.
ReplyDeleteThe earliest I can recall "Mickey Mouse" being used to refer to something as childish, or amateur is in the movie The Professional when the bad cop tells his co-bad-cops that he "doesn't have time for this Mickey Mouse bullshit" while they raided someone's apartment. Sad that I remember that? Possibly. I still use the phrase, though. :]
ReplyDelete